Let's misbehave

SINCE when has it become acceptable for theatre audiences to behave as if they were at the movies?
Cinemagoers these days routinely indulge in a variety of activities aimed, it seems to me, specifically at ruining my experience. Appalling behaviours that are casually exhibited include conversations, sweet-rustling and the incessant, intrusive use of mobile phones - both for texting and, incredibly, for updating absent friends on the progress of the film.
Then there's the weak bladder brigade, whose to-ing and fro-ing is a constant source of merriment for those of us long-legged enough to require aisle seats and thus be disturbed for every call of nature in our row.
All this is bad enough at the cinema, where the gradual increase in multiplex screens and erosion of staff numbers mean there are never enough of those children who pose as ushers to police the offenders.
But there are worrying signs that such aberrant behaviour is becoming the norm in our theatres too.
During successive performances last week, I was disturbed by people whispering to their neighbours, mobile phone lights indicating not-so-subtle texting going on, and even audience members getting up and moving about, either for a comfort break or to find a better seat.
And don't give me any nonsense about audiences in Shakespeare's day being a rowdy rabble to be won over by the players. We've had four hundred years of history since then for our attitudes to become a little more refined: we no longer kill people for misdemeanours, for instance, or throw piss into the street.
As with so many aspects of social collapse these days, I blame Thatcher. The cult of the individual, with its emphasis on personal fulfilment regardless of the wider cost, has been responsible for countless ills over the past couple of decades, but it's depressing to see this particular vein of selfishness creeping into our playhouses.
So if the day is fast approaching when I am moved to stand up in a theatre and shout at a straying texter "Put that light out!", don't say you haven't been warned.

Captain's Blog

When is a blog not a blog?
I know there should be some witty punchline in there somewhere, but I'm damned if I can think of it.
That doesn't invalidate the question, of course, and anyone daring to presume that their pearls of wisdom might be of any interest to readers out there in what they apparently call the blogosphere (who invents this stuff?) should be possessed of:
1. a load of self-confidence;
2. an irresponsibly misguided sense of their own importance; or
3. something worth saying.
Which have I? You be the judge...
So why put one's opinions out there for all to see, alongside the thousands of others doing the same? Is it a journal? Is it a rant? Is it therapy?
Don't come looking for answers. You might find things that interest you, you might find things that infuriate you. My take is that I have views on certain matters, mainly related to theatre and the arts, and I have a 25-year professional career writing about these things that perhaps lends some weight to my opinions, so I feel - rightly or wrongly - entitled to air them. If you don't want to read them, that's fine. If you've got this far, you must be at least vaguely interested.
Stick with it if you can bear it. Post a comment if you like. I'm not precious. I just need to be loved...